To put it all plainly...I'm fed up.
Nothing more; nothing less...I'm just fed up.
I don't know where my life is going. God won't give me a glimpse of where it's going and I'm really frustrated and quite upset about it.
I trust that God knows best....but I long for just a small glimpse of what He's got for my future. GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
-The End
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Christian "F" word
There are many definitions for the word "fine", but the way that people use it just feeds the hate I have for that word.
"Hey! How are you doing?" "Oh hey....I'm fine...how are you?" <- that is something that I absolutely hate because you know someone is lying when they tell you that they're "fine". I mean the way that they use that word just means "quite well or alright"....and there is nothing wrong with that, but I just have a gut feeling that a person is lying when they say that they're doing "fine".
I guess the main thing that gets me about this word is the tone of voice in which people use it. If they sound like they're really enthusiastic then it doesn't bother me as much, but when they're trying their best to cover up whatever it is that is bugging them....THAT is when I go "ok....I really hate that word...." Then I call them out on it..."well why are you doing 'fine'?" I either get a response like "oh...it's ok don't worry about it" or "I don't really wish to get into it at the moment" or anything of that nature....
Friends....if you are struggling with stuff and I call you out on it....be real with me. Don't tell me that you're doing "fine" because I can usually tell whether or not you're really ok when you use that word. I have been called to love on people and God has placed that passion on my heart.....I want to know how to be there for you, how to pray for you, how to serve you, how to listen to you, etc etc....
I invest in the friends that I have and in people that I don't even know....so....all this to say....don't use the Christian "F" word when you're talking with me :]
Love you all!
"Hey! How are you doing?" "Oh hey....I'm fine...how are you?" <- that is something that I absolutely hate because you know someone is lying when they tell you that they're "fine". I mean the way that they use that word just means "quite well or alright"....and there is nothing wrong with that, but I just have a gut feeling that a person is lying when they say that they're doing "fine".
I guess the main thing that gets me about this word is the tone of voice in which people use it. If they sound like they're really enthusiastic then it doesn't bother me as much, but when they're trying their best to cover up whatever it is that is bugging them....THAT is when I go "ok....I really hate that word...." Then I call them out on it..."well why are you doing 'fine'?" I either get a response like "oh...it's ok don't worry about it" or "I don't really wish to get into it at the moment" or anything of that nature....
Friends....if you are struggling with stuff and I call you out on it....be real with me. Don't tell me that you're doing "fine" because I can usually tell whether or not you're really ok when you use that word. I have been called to love on people and God has placed that passion on my heart.....I want to know how to be there for you, how to pray for you, how to serve you, how to listen to you, etc etc....
I invest in the friends that I have and in people that I don't even know....so....all this to say....don't use the Christian "F" word when you're talking with me :]
Love you all!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Update on life
This is my final year at MBU. I'm really excited to graduate, but at the same time I am terrified. I don't know what will come next and it really freaks me out that I don't have a plan. I mean, God has a plan, but He hasn't given me a glimpse of that plan yet. It's just a scary thing.
There's also a ton of pressure that I feel about this final year at MoBap. I have to pass the classes that I'm taking....otherwise I won't graduate on time. This thought alone has really overwhelmed my heart; so much that I don't feel like myself anymore.
I kind of feel like I've shut out the world....including people that are close to my heart. This is not healthy because God made us all to be relational people. When He created us, He knew that we couldn't live life alone. He knew that we needed fellowship with other people who would speak truth into our lives. I regret to say that I have not really taken advantage of that fellowship. I keep to myself because I don't want my qualms about life to bring down the people that I care about.
It's funny, because some friends of mine have that very same mindset and I always remind them of Galatians 6:2, which says "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." This is one of the many ways that we show love toward each other....by going deeper and being real with each other.
We all deal with really tough, overwhelming and broken situations in life....we can't handle those situations alone. I myself am still learning to just let go and let people all the way in. Trust is a huge issue with me. People have betrayed my trust before and the hurt from those times are still so deep that I use every defense that I can think of so that people won't see how I am really doing, how I really feel, etc....
All this to say....I'm still learning to let go and let people in....God is still working on my heart in all of this and I'm just following Him.
There's also a ton of pressure that I feel about this final year at MoBap. I have to pass the classes that I'm taking....otherwise I won't graduate on time. This thought alone has really overwhelmed my heart; so much that I don't feel like myself anymore.
I kind of feel like I've shut out the world....including people that are close to my heart. This is not healthy because God made us all to be relational people. When He created us, He knew that we couldn't live life alone. He knew that we needed fellowship with other people who would speak truth into our lives. I regret to say that I have not really taken advantage of that fellowship. I keep to myself because I don't want my qualms about life to bring down the people that I care about.
It's funny, because some friends of mine have that very same mindset and I always remind them of Galatians 6:2, which says "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." This is one of the many ways that we show love toward each other....by going deeper and being real with each other.
We all deal with really tough, overwhelming and broken situations in life....we can't handle those situations alone. I myself am still learning to just let go and let people all the way in. Trust is a huge issue with me. People have betrayed my trust before and the hurt from those times are still so deep that I use every defense that I can think of so that people won't see how I am really doing, how I really feel, etc....
All this to say....I'm still learning to let go and let people in....God is still working on my heart in all of this and I'm just following Him.
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