I want a love that is "Just Because"

This song....explains everything about what I'm longing for!

Scott Phillips performed in chapel today here at MoBap and he sand this song. Every word that came out of his mouth during this song was almost painful to listen to because I really DO long for a love that is "just because". So often I give, give, give.....only to receive love in return from other people. Now I realize that love shouldn't be like that at all.
Just listen to the song and you'll see what I'm talking about. The lyrics are below it.

I want a love that looks past positions
A love just because not a love with conditions
I can search the whole world and find all kinds of love
But love that is real is love just because
I’ve had enough time to learn that love in this world doesn’t come without terms
When I offer something of value to you, then suddenly I become valuable too

I can admit that sometimes I reserve and limit my love to the ones who deserve
Still I’m waiting for someone who seeks no returns
A love I can’t lose or do something to earn

I’ve found a love that deserves recognition
So perfect and deep it is loves definition
I’ve searched the whole world, but it came from above
It’s a love that is real, it’s a love just because

People Always Leave

I have had a lot of people pass through my life. I hate that they have just passed on through and haven't actually stayed in my life, but now that I look back on those people the more I realize that they left because they wanted to. For the longest time I thought that I was the problem when in fact they may have just passed on through for their own reasons. If I was the problem they were not true friends to me, because if they were they would have told me how I made things wrong in our friendship.

I don't really know why all of this came to my mind, but it did so I'm getting it out there because I think that it's important for everyone to hear.

God puts people in our lives. If they come only for a season then there is a reason for that. If your friendship hits a snag and it never gets worked out then that's a sign that God only placed those people in your life for a season and He was trying to teach you something about yourself and friendships to carry into the future. We learn from the mistakes that we make and if people leave in the process then we have to take what we have learned and apply it the next time a friend enters our lives.

The Bible says that "a friend sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). I believe that statement is completely true. A really good friend will tell you what you don't want to hear, but need to hear.

Yeah some friends leave, but that's their problem. If you were the problem in the friendship then they would have told you and been upfront with you about it. Sometimes friendships are hard, but they're worth investing in because you never know how someone can impact your life forever.

For the longest time I had the mindset of "People Always Leave" and because of having that mindset I never really let people into my life. I still have that tendency to always be on my guard, but having that mindset constantly is not really healthy. Not everyone leaves. Some people actually stay and help you grow as a person. They call you out on things that you need to be called out on and that shapes your character.

-some come back...

I Need To Live Out The Gospel!!

I think that Christians everywhere don't really fully understand the concept of The Gospel. Yes, the Gospel is the account of Jesus' ministry and Yes, the Gospel can be used to share the love of God to others, but how often do we preach the Gospel to ourselves. How often do we live out the Gospel in our daily lives?
The dictionary definition of the word "gospel" is, "The proclamation of the redemption preached by Jesus and the Apostles, which is the central content of Christian revelation." Yes we are to proclaim it to others....to the whole world even, but we also need to remind ourselves as Christians, every day of the redemption that Jesus provided on the cross for us. If we don't constantly fill our lives with the Gospel, then I honestly believe that we will lose our "flavor" as the salt of the earth. We will not be fully satisfied spiritually or in any sense if we do not preach the Gospel to ourselves every day.

Matthew 9:13 says, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." That is us! No matter how hard we try, we all will constantly fail at life. But the best part of having God dwell in our lives is that He wipes away our failure. He forgets it, because He sees Jesus when He looks at us. Because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross we have been covered completely by His grace so that we can have a relationship with God.

I can speak for myself when I say that I fail at living out the Gospel every day. I keep falling into stupid mindsets of how God couldn't possibly forgive what I've done and other mindsets that are of that nature. I constantly forget how big my God is. He is big enough to handle the hard questions. He is big enough to handle me being angry at Him. He is big enough to heal the broken situations that I am currently facing. He is leading me somewhere and all I have to do is let go, trust Him, and follow. I don't know why that is so hard for my finite mind to grasp, but it is and I do covet your prayers. Just pray that God gives me the courage to follow Him, let go of everything, trust Him, apply His Gospel to my life every day, and to simply love others just as He shows His love for me.

Here are some lines from songs that have challenged me a lot lately:

"Nothing is impossible for You, Nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible for You. You hold my world in Your hands." - Healer

"In the chaos, in confusion I know You're Sovereign still. In the moment of my weakness You give me grace to do Your will. When You call I won't delay. This my song through all my days. There is no one else for me. None but Jesus. Crucified to set me free. Now I live to bring Him praise..........All my delight is in You Lord. All of my hope, all of my strength. All my delight is in You Lord forevermore..." - None But Jesus

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss." - Lead Me To The Cross

"All to you, I Surrender…Everything, Every part of me. All to you, I Surrender…All of my dreams, All of me." - I Surrender

"And I surrender all to You, all to You. And I surrender all to You, all to You.." - Surrender

"You are all I want. You are all I need. Everything my heart could hope for. We are longing for the glory of the Lord, 'Cause we know there's so much more." - I Have Found

"I need You Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go? There's no other name by which I am saved. Capture me with grace. I will follow You." - Rescue

"Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out and start again? Is He not brave enough? To take one chance with me. Please can I have one chance to start again." - Strong Enough

"I’m letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams. Losing control of my destiny. Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe So I’m letting go" - I'm Letting Go

~Rescue~

There is a song by NewSong that really touches my heart and it makes me realize that I CANNOT live this life on my own. It's called "Rescue" and here are the lyrics. I'll elaborate on why it's an important song in my life after you read these beautiful lyrics.

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus, I need You Jesus

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You


I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other Name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other Name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You


The arrangement that I'm listening to as I am writing this is performed by an artist named Eddie James. It's just him and his piano, but the way he delivers the message of this song is very touching. It tugs at my heart strings because to be bluntly honest, I sometimes don't think I need God to rescue me from anything. I think that I can fix things on my own, I don't give it all to Him, I don't let go of some things in my life, I don't follow Him when I need to the most, I forget that HE is my source of life, and I just don't trust Him sometimes....ok ok most of the time.
When things are out of my control, I freak out because I can't control the outcome of a situation. I keep forgetting that GOD knows best....not me. I mean, when I've given Him situations in the past He didn't let me down then....why can't I just let go of EVERYTHING now?? I guarantee that if I just let go and give it all away to Him my life would be so much better.
All of the stresses of this life are driving me insane....school, music, pressure to sing perfect, pressure to excel academically and so many more things....
THIS WORLD HAS NOTHING FOR ME!!!! Why can't I hold on to that truth?! GOD'S WORLD HAS EVERYTHING FOR ME!!!! He has me in His hand, He won't let go, He won't let me fall, He'll wipe away every tear I ever cry, He'll remove every fear that I have of what this world thinks of me, He'll give me a new start, He'll lead me in the right path and I need to follow it....I need to follow HIM!

There's a passage in Psalms that relates to this song "Rescue".

Psalm 55:1-6, 16-17, and 22.

"Listen to my prayer, O God,do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me.My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy,at the stares of the wicked for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.

But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

I can ask God the big questions....because He is big enough to answer them. David poured his heart out in this plea to God and God heard him and answered him.

I'm leaving everything behind and following where He leads....what else can I do?

Best Friends

In my life so far, I have never really had an actual close friend. I've never had a real best friend who I can share life with. I mean I have good friends and they have been great, but I have never had a go-to person who I could really count on to be there for me and who would love me for who God has made me to be.
In the past I always had to change something about me so that my so-called "friends" would accept me and like me.

Today I was just thinking to myself about what a best friend truly is and what defines a best friend.
So here is my list of definitions....as well as some Biblical definitions.

- A best friend will listen to you when you have something to talk about.
- They will love you for who you are no matter what. (Proverbs 17:17)
- They will support you in everything you do, except when you make dumb decisions, then they call you out on it.
- They won't ignore you.
- They won't hold grudges against you.
- They will help you carry your life's burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
- They know you so well that they know how to handle you in certain situations.
- They won't mind you calling them at 2am to vent or talk about something that's bothering you.
- They will tell you some things that you don't want to hear, but need to hear.
- They will point you to God.
- When you both are kind of having a spat, they will talk with you...not at you.
- They will be willing to know where you're coming from on a particular issue.
- They will be sensitive and respectful.
- They won't grow tired of seeing you and having you in their life.
- They will miss you when you're gone for a day.
- They will greet you like they have not seen you in years when you've been gone for a week.
- They will care for you when you are not feeling well.
- They will wear their hearts on their sleeves.
- They won't be afraid to tell you that they're upset with you.
- They won't forget you.
- They will know if you're lying when you say you're ok when you're actually not.
- They will live life with you.

The list could go on and on.
God puts people in our lives who might have some, if not all of those qualities. God is actually all of those things.
He made us as relational people with feelings, emotions, souls, hearts, etc. We all love to be loved by others.

Having someone that you can talk to, laugh with, cry with, and be there for, is something that is not to be taken for granted.

Cherish your best friend.

What's On My Heart Today

I'm in a class this semester called "Drama in Ministry" and the book that we are reading through for the class is "Thriving as an Artist in the Church" by Rory Noland.
Reading this book has been somewhat difficult for me personally because it challenges me in certain areas of my life. For example, in Chapter 3 Noland talks about how we need to be vulnerable, listen to our disappointment, to respond to rejection and failure, let our setbacks make us better artists, find God in the midst of our disappointments, and let the wrong doors close so the right ones can open. Those are his main points in this chapter.
The top 3 that are really difficult for me personally are 1) Be vulnerable, 2) Listen to my disappointment, and 3) How to respond to rejection and failure.
Being vulnerable is completely necessary in my opinion so that we can grow closer to one another in a relational aspect and on a spiritual level. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is healthy. Bottling things up inside is not beneficiary because you might explode at the wrong time and at the wrong person.
I hate being vulnerable because I never know how the person I am being vulnerable with, will react. I have a hard time trusting people with my life sometimes because I have been hurt by a lot of people who I thought I could trust. So it does take me awhile to open up to people and to get comfortable enough to share bits and pieces of my life with them. If they abuse any of those privileges of hearing those tid bits of my life then I immediately shut down and I keep quiet. That's just who I am. I'm big on trust.

Listening to my disappointment is something that I have honestly, never heard of in my life until I read this book. I mean yeah I get disappointed sometimes, but I just sulk in that feeling. I never actually listen to see what I could be learning from those disappointing experiences. I always focus more on who or what disappointed me rather than trying to see what God may be doing in the midst of that circumstance in my life.
Another instance where I get easily disappointed is when I feel like I lose my creativity. I write songs when I get inspired. Sometimes they flow perfectly and other times I get insanely frustrated because it doesn't flow smoothly at all. I have a ton of ideas that I want to communicate in a song, but I can never figure out how to communicate those thoughts. This greatly disappoints me because the field of ministry that God has called me to, involves songwriting and I need to just immerse myself in God and what HE wants as opposed to what I want for myself.

I hate failing at things that I am good at. I don't do well with failure. If I think that I didn't sing a song as effectively as I could have then I easily get disappointed in myself and I miss the big picture. Jesus perfects my worship when He presents it to God and I so often miss the meaning of that because when I think I failed, I feel like that song lost its meaning.
My goal with the talent is to praise God with my voice. To sing for Him and no one else. If that is in my heart every time I sing then that should be enough. It's about God....not me.
If my heart-set is in tune with that thought of it all being about God and none of it being about me, then that is when any song that I sing will have meaning and effect. I always know when a song has effect when God really tugs at my heart through it to the point where I can't sing without choking up. I know that worship is not supposed to be an emotionally draining experience, but sometimes when God's presence is so thick and tangible I can't help but get emotional. God changes my life in a different way every time His presence overwhelms the place that I am at. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes and I've come to accept that it is a great thing to be uncomfortable because you know that you're not growing deeper in your walk with God when you're too comfortable.