Graduating

So graduation is drawing near. In fact I have to order my cap and gown sometime in January.........

For some reason I feel like it's all happening so fast and I don't know what to do with myself. That might sound silly, but it's true. I have to have a final grad check, order my cap and gown, pass classes, etc.


So much to do...so little time....

In all of this...God is bigger :] I have no clue where my life is going, but God does and I just need to trust in what He has. His will is perfect and He has a specific plan just for me. I just have to search out what His plan is so that 1) I can bring God glory, 2) I can have peace and not stress out and 3)...that i can have peace and not stress out :]

That's all for now :] More to come later....stay tuned!!

fed up

To put it all plainly...I'm fed up.

Nothing more; nothing less...I'm just fed up.

I don't know where my life is going. God won't give me a glimpse of where it's going and I'm really frustrated and quite upset about it.

I trust that God knows best....but I long for just a small glimpse of what He's got for my future. GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

-The End

The Christian "F" word

There are many definitions for the word "fine", but the way that people use it just feeds the hate I have for that word.

"Hey! How are you doing?" "Oh hey....I'm fine...how are you?" <- that is something that I absolutely hate because you know someone is lying when they tell you that they're "fine". I mean the way that they use that word just means "quite well or alright"....and there is nothing wrong with that, but I just have a gut feeling that a person is lying when they say that they're doing "fine".

I guess the main thing that gets me about this word is the tone of voice in which people use it. If they sound like they're really enthusiastic then it doesn't bother me as much, but when they're trying their best to cover up whatever it is that is bugging them....THAT is when I go "ok....I really hate that word...." Then I call them out on it..."well why are you doing 'fine'?" I either get a response like "oh...it's ok don't worry about it" or "I don't really wish to get into it at the moment" or anything of that nature....

Friends....if you are struggling with stuff and I call you out on it....be real with me. Don't tell me that you're doing "fine" because I can usually tell whether or not you're really ok when you use that word. I have been called to love on people and God has placed that passion on my heart.....I want to know how to be there for you, how to pray for you, how to serve you, how to listen to you, etc etc....

I invest in the friends that I have and in people that I don't even know....so....all this to say....don't use the Christian "F" word when you're talking with me :]

Love you all!

Update on life

This is my final year at MBU. I'm really excited to graduate, but at the same time I am terrified. I don't know what will come next and it really freaks me out that I don't have a plan. I mean, God has a plan, but He hasn't given me a glimpse of that plan yet. It's just a scary thing.
There's also a ton of pressure that I feel about this final year at MoBap. I have to pass the classes that I'm taking....otherwise I won't graduate on time. This thought alone has really overwhelmed my heart; so much that I don't feel like myself anymore.
I kind of feel like I've shut out the world....including people that are close to my heart. This is not healthy because God made us all to be relational people. When He created us, He knew that we couldn't live life alone. He knew that we needed fellowship with other people who would speak truth into our lives. I regret to say that I have not really taken advantage of that fellowship. I keep to myself because I don't want my qualms about life to bring down the people that I care about.
It's funny, because some friends of mine have that very same mindset and I always remind them of Galatians 6:2, which says "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." This is one of the many ways that we show love toward each other....by going deeper and being real with each other.
We all deal with really tough, overwhelming and broken situations in life....we can't handle those situations alone. I myself am still learning to just let go and let people all the way in. Trust is a huge issue with me. People have betrayed my trust before and the hurt from those times are still so deep that I use every defense that I can think of so that people won't see how I am really doing, how I really feel, etc....

All this to say....I'm still learning to let go and let people in....God is still working on my heart in all of this and I'm just following Him.

-Show Me-

So there's this new Christian artist that I've grown to love. Her name is Audrey Assad and her songs are phenomenal.

The lyrics that God has blessed her heart with, have really encouraged me in this touch time to let God carry me and have complete control.

One song in particular really got to me. It's called "Show me". I'll give you the lyrics and then I'll rant about why and how much I love them :)

-Show Me-

You could plant me like a tree beside a river

You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild

And I would blossom like a flower in the desert

But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle

Put victory like fire behind my shining eyes

And i will drift like falling snow over the embers

But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life

But not before you show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning

Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep

And i'll illuminate the path you've laid before me

But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life

But not before you show me how to die

No not before you show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water

Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea

And i will disappear into a deeper beauty

But for now just stay with me

God, for now just stay with me

This song just boggles my mind because I've never heard a song about God showing us how to die. 

When we hear the word "die" we automatically think of physical death and I guess that song could be used in that sense, but I think if you look at it deeper, it's about dying to self. We can't just immediately expect to die to self ourselves.....we are a people that follow by example. God shows us how to die to self and that's my plea for every day; that God will show me how to die. My interpretation could be completely off, but that's what I get from it. God is our example and His children follow by example...even to death.

I love how Audrey conveys how much the "pleader" in this song wants mercy and for God to bring him/her back to life, but they want death first. This song is just incredibly clever in every sense and it's been a tremendous comfort this week.

I love how God gives me new insight when I desperately need it....

Living in Worship

As I sit here in my room, I can't help but stare at this little piece of canvas, painted a bright shade of green and with these words on it; "Live a life of WORSHIP for your God".

A friend of mine, Ashley, made that for me and gave it to me as a Christmas gift last year. I was, and still am, thankful for that gift because I wake up every morning and it's the first thing I see. It's a great reminder to me how I need to live my day in worship for my God.

What is sad is that I fail to live a life of worship every day. I put up a huge front for people so that they think that I have it all together, that I trust God completely with everything and that my heart is right & in tune with God.

I know that I've said that "I don't have it all together" and that "I need to get my life back on track with God", but I don't think it has become more real to me than it has now.

I just got done talking to God and just pouring myself out for Him to see everything. That was really hard because I never realized the intensity of really talking with Him about the dirtiness of my life and telling Him how I really feel about stuff.

Whenever I talk to God in private, I feel the freedom to be completely transparent with Him and to tell Him things that I would never tell anyone else. I treasure that kind of relationship that I have with Him. In fact, David has been the most inspiring reason for my complete honesty with God.

If you look at the Lament Psalms (i.e. Psalm 59, 56, 34, 142, 63, 52, 54, 57, 7, 60, 51, 3 & 30) you can see how transparent David's heart is. He knew that he couldn't hide anything from God so he laid it all out for Him to see. At times, God was even astounded by David's honesty and named him "a man after His own heart" (Acts 13:22).

Even though I lead worship for many congregations, I still often lose sight of the bigger picture and God has His way of reminding me of what true worship is all about. Live a life of WORSHIP for your God.... nowhere in that sentence does it say "sing a song of worship for your God".

It's not about music or any other art that we use in our worship services in the church.....it's about complete surrender. One of the greek words that made up the word "worship" actually means "dog". Think about how a dog acts; they love unconditionally, they can sense when they're needed, they obey (when they're not stubborn)....

Worship is an act of love, care and obedience toward the One, true living God. We are to love Him unconditionally...just as He loves us without condition. And as we live out that life of worship for God, we reflect that love to other human beings who may not have even heard about Christ.

A song that has truly spoken to my heart about this whole thing is a song by Matt Redman called "The Heart of Worship". The story behind this song is actually quite inspiring in and of itself.

Redman's pastor, Mike Pilavachi, decided to get rid of the sound system and music for a season so that the congregation could be brought back to the heart of what true worship is. You can read the full story at this link: http://www.crosswalk.com/1253122/

Here is the fruit of that situation:

-The Heart of Worship-

When the music fades

And all is stripped away

And I simply come

Longing just to bring

Something that's of worth

That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required

You search much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

It's all about YOU, it's all about YOU Jesus

I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it

It's all about YOU, it's all about YOU Jesus

King of endless worth

No one could express

How much You deserve

Though I'm weak and poor

All I have is Yours

Every single breath

I'll bring You more than a song

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required

You search much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

It's all about YOU, it's all about YOU Jesus

I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it

It's all about YOU, it's all about YOU Jesus

I don't have it all together, I'm not a super Christian, I don't know my Bible inside and out, I fail at attempting to live a life of worship every day for God, there are a lot of things in life that I still regret and I'm still learning to trust God with those things and to give them to Him, I struggle with things, I'm human, I'm not perfect........and I can't live life on my own. I can proudly and honestly say that I need God...

I've tried the whole "being an independent Christian" thing, but I fell straight on my face in doing so. I could never be independent from God.

I Have Been Made NEW

Wow! I have not blogged in a long time.....sorry about that.
Well I think I have something to blog about that I think is really exciting so...here'goes.

Every morning I just wake up, go potty, get ready for the day, check facebook, check e-mail, go to g-ma's for lunch, check facebook, lay around the house, watch tv, lay around more, watch more tv, then go to bed and repeat that routine the next day.

Something is missing here........

You guessed it.....I don't put God in anywhere. Even in the times that I'm just lying around the house! How lame is that.

Somehow today has been different and I think that every day from now on will be different.

Last night I had a serious conversation with God. Like I layed it all down. I confessed to Him how wretched I am, how I have grown to not care about what He thinks, how I abuse His grace by sinning then asking for forgiveness later ("cause I know He'll forgive me"), how I want change, how I want to be changed, I don't want to be lost anymore, I want to be found, I want to be different, I want to feel different, I want people to see that difference.....I want people to NOT see "Liz Hitt".....

I think that God really stirred up my heart in that conversation with Him. I came to realize that even though I accepted His gift of salvation when I was 5, I have been a lukewarm Christian.
After realizing that fact, today was completely turned around for me. I didn't stick to my daily summer routine. I opened up God's Word to Romans chapter 6 and read it in its entirety.

God showed me through Romans 6 that I am dead to sin and alive in Christ. I cannot abuse God's grace and expect to have a healthy relationship with Him.

When I confessed my wretched behavior to God, I felt like He was listening to every word and He has truly changed my heart and my outlook on life.

Another thing that was kind of great about that conversation with God last night was that my mind didn't drift off into random thoughts like it usually does. I stayed focused on what I was giving up to Him and because of that focus I found rest in knowing that I will be with Him one day in His kingdom; praising Him forever.

That's all I really have for right now. I'm sure God will pour more onto my heart as life progresses.

I am His and He is mine.

New Experience

This Sunday, May 2nd, I start my summer music position at Hawk Point Baptist Church.

I am both really excited and really nervous about it because I don't know what to expect or how things will turn out.

One of the ladies who helps out with the youth group there was telling me about how these kids don't have Jesus, they've never had music in their meetings before and how they're going to look up to me. When she said all of that I felt a few emotions; 1) My heart broke because they don't have Jesus, 2) I got sad because they have never experienced music and 3) I got nervous because I was told that "they're gonna be looking up to me".......baaaaah!

I mean that is a huge honor, but for some reason it's really nerve wrecking.

In the meantime I will just continue to pray that God's will be done in all of what happens this summer and that He will use me in any way that He chooses.
This will certainly be an interesting journey and God will work through it all! :)

New Chapter In Life

Hello friends,

I am just going to tell you about something that is really exciting for me personally :)

For all of my life I have been kind of overweight and I've tried a number of things to defeat being overweight, but nothing has really worked.

This summer I'll be starting the Human Growth Hormone program. It's a dietary supplement that redistributes body fat in a healthy way. It gets rid of the bad fat and redistributes the good fat to make ya look fantastic :)

I'm going on this program because my heart murmur has kind of been bugging me and my doc said that one way to kind of fix the heart problem is to lose weight because that weight stresses the heart out.

I start the program June 1st and would really appreciate your prayers that God will give me strength to stick to this program and to just keep going and pushing through. It's going to be hard because I'm only allowed 500 calories per day. The HGH burns 4500 calories and makes up for what nutrients I don't get :)

So just pray for me :)
Thanks,
-Liz

Funny Story With A Big Meaning

So it has been TOO long since I've blogged....sorry about that.

One story that I would like to share with you happened like 2 months ago, but I just didn't blog about it.

Ok so one Sunday night my brother, Preston, and I were on our way home to spend the night and I wasn't really having a good day so him and I decided to stop by Wal-Mart to get pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I've had many meetings with Ben & Jerry and they've helped me through a lot of crap that life has thrown at me ;)

So anyway....we get to the check-out lane and the cashier was giving us this look like "shame on you two". I knew that look because I'm black and she happened to be black so yeah....
She came out and said "you DO know that we have bigger containers of ice cream for half the price of this lil thang right?" My brother and I just kind of looked at each other and said "yeah we know hahaha". Then she was all like "I almost didn't ring this up for you because I want you to save money...mmm mmm". If you know me at all, then you should know how much fun I was having with this whole conversation.
After we checked out she said the routine "have a good night".

What I took from that whole experience was this; She was telling me how to save money, when I could have told her how to save her life. No one was really around and we were the only two people in Wal-Mart. I had plenty of time to share The Gospel with that woman and I didn't realize that I missed an opportunity until I got home.

With that said....how do you live your life? Is Christ shining through you or is He hidden behind your facade? Do you take every opportunity that comes your way to share Christ with other people?

It's just something to think about.

Piano Doodling :)

Thoughts for Today

So here are a few thoughts running through my mind.

Today I was reading Romans 11 and a few things stood out to me.
The last few verses of the entire chapter just kind of did something inside of me. I have yet to determine how I actually felt or what actually happened inside of my heart, but I'll let you know as soon as I figure that out.

~Verses 30-36~


"For just as you were at one time disobedient to God but now have received mercy because of their disobedience, so they too have now been disobedient in order that by the mercy shown to you they also may now receive mercy. For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all. Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." ESV



"There was a time not so long ago when you were on the outs with God. But then the Jews slammed the door on him and things opened up for you. Now they are on the outs. But with the door held wide open for you, they have a way back in. In one way or another, God makes sure that we all experience what it means to be outside so that he can personally open the door and welcome us back in. Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes." The Message

I guess I felt a sense of "awe" because every attribute of God is unfathomable. "We'll never figure it out". That is probably one of the most frustrating things, for me personally, in my walk with Christ....not being able to know or understand where He is leading or why He is doing a certain thing in my life. 

One thing that I quickly forget all of the time is that I can get a glimpse of what God has for me...if I just take the time to experience Him and converse with Him every day. Sadly, I don't do that every day. My excuses are that I don't have time, I'm too busy, I feel like He isn't with me anyway so why do it?, and all of my excuses are self-centered. 

I can still experience God even if I may feel like He isn't there. Believe it or not, that is do-able. Sometimes I experience God at work when I least expect it. It's like "Surprise! I'm doing something in your life right now!!". 

So often I find myself demanding things from God; not praying, not humbly asking....but demanding! I always do that! I know that I shouldn't, but I do it anyway because I feel like I need the things that I'm demanding of Him....when in fact....I just need Him and His love. 

I am so NOT perfect!

I have an announcement!!!

I'm Human!

I pretty much stink at playing this game called life. 

Lately I have come to realize that yeah I do have strengths, but I also have weaknesses and I have overlooked those weaknesses for so long that I have become numb to God's Word and have not realized how I may come off to other people. 

I continually let my flesh get the better of me instead of letting God get the better of me. God is right there and I just overlook Him because I'm looking out for number 1. I keep vying for people's attention and their friendship rather than God's attention and God's friendship! WHY AM I DOING THIS?!

Tonight I read Romans 7 because my friend Lauren and I are reading through Romans together and I went to the next chapter because I was curious as to what it said. 

God cracks me up sometimes. He knows what I need to hear; even when it's hard to take in. This was a hard read for me.

Here is Romans 7:7-25 [The Message Translation]

"But I can hear you say, "If the law code was as bad as all that, it's no better than sin itself." That's certainly not true. The law code had a perfectly legitimate function. Without its clear guidelines for right and wrong, moral behavior would be mostly guesswork. Apart from the succinct, surgical command, "You shall not covet," I could have dressed covetousness up to look like a virtue and ruined my life with it.

 Don't you remember how it was? I do, perfectly well. The law code started out as an excellent piece of work. What happened, though, was that sin found a way to pervert the command into a temptation, making a piece of "forbidden fruit" out of it. The law code, instead of being used to guide me, was used to seduce me. Without all the paraphernalia of the law code, sin looked pretty dull and lifeless, and I went along without paying much attention to it. But once sin got its hands on the law code and decked itself out in all that finery, I was fooled, and fell for it. The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong. So sin was plenty alive, and I was stone dead. But the law code itself is God's good and common sense, each command sane and holy counsel.

 I can already hear your next question: "Does that mean I can't even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?" No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God's good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.

 I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." 

I constantly let my sin get the better of me. 

I am NOT perfect. I struggle with a lot more than people know.

Most of the time, my life stresses me out because I try to deal with it alone. I try to deal with it alone because I don't want to be an inconvenience to anyone....at least that's the mindset that I fall into. I know that it sounds lame, but it's the truth. 

In the midst of all of this I can still find assurance in the hope of God. Struggles produce perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope (Romans 5:3). 

Even when I struggle through this life, I know that my God is right there. I just need to take advantage of having Him near me instead of looking to other people and their lame-o advice. Let's face it, compared to God's advice our advice is nothing.

So yeah....I'm not perfect at all. I don't have it together, but I know a God who does have it all together for me.

I want a love that is "Just Because"

This song....explains everything about what I'm longing for!

Scott Phillips performed in chapel today here at MoBap and he sand this song. Every word that came out of his mouth during this song was almost painful to listen to because I really DO long for a love that is "just because". So often I give, give, give.....only to receive love in return from other people. Now I realize that love shouldn't be like that at all.
Just listen to the song and you'll see what I'm talking about. The lyrics are below it.

I want a love that looks past positions
A love just because not a love with conditions
I can search the whole world and find all kinds of love
But love that is real is love just because
I’ve had enough time to learn that love in this world doesn’t come without terms
When I offer something of value to you, then suddenly I become valuable too

I can admit that sometimes I reserve and limit my love to the ones who deserve
Still I’m waiting for someone who seeks no returns
A love I can’t lose or do something to earn

I’ve found a love that deserves recognition
So perfect and deep it is loves definition
I’ve searched the whole world, but it came from above
It’s a love that is real, it’s a love just because

People Always Leave

I have had a lot of people pass through my life. I hate that they have just passed on through and haven't actually stayed in my life, but now that I look back on those people the more I realize that they left because they wanted to. For the longest time I thought that I was the problem when in fact they may have just passed on through for their own reasons. If I was the problem they were not true friends to me, because if they were they would have told me how I made things wrong in our friendship.

I don't really know why all of this came to my mind, but it did so I'm getting it out there because I think that it's important for everyone to hear.

God puts people in our lives. If they come only for a season then there is a reason for that. If your friendship hits a snag and it never gets worked out then that's a sign that God only placed those people in your life for a season and He was trying to teach you something about yourself and friendships to carry into the future. We learn from the mistakes that we make and if people leave in the process then we have to take what we have learned and apply it the next time a friend enters our lives.

The Bible says that "a friend sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). I believe that statement is completely true. A really good friend will tell you what you don't want to hear, but need to hear.

Yeah some friends leave, but that's their problem. If you were the problem in the friendship then they would have told you and been upfront with you about it. Sometimes friendships are hard, but they're worth investing in because you never know how someone can impact your life forever.

For the longest time I had the mindset of "People Always Leave" and because of having that mindset I never really let people into my life. I still have that tendency to always be on my guard, but having that mindset constantly is not really healthy. Not everyone leaves. Some people actually stay and help you grow as a person. They call you out on things that you need to be called out on and that shapes your character.

-some come back...

I Need To Live Out The Gospel!!

I think that Christians everywhere don't really fully understand the concept of The Gospel. Yes, the Gospel is the account of Jesus' ministry and Yes, the Gospel can be used to share the love of God to others, but how often do we preach the Gospel to ourselves. How often do we live out the Gospel in our daily lives?
The dictionary definition of the word "gospel" is, "The proclamation of the redemption preached by Jesus and the Apostles, which is the central content of Christian revelation." Yes we are to proclaim it to others....to the whole world even, but we also need to remind ourselves as Christians, every day of the redemption that Jesus provided on the cross for us. If we don't constantly fill our lives with the Gospel, then I honestly believe that we will lose our "flavor" as the salt of the earth. We will not be fully satisfied spiritually or in any sense if we do not preach the Gospel to ourselves every day.

Matthew 9:13 says, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." That is us! No matter how hard we try, we all will constantly fail at life. But the best part of having God dwell in our lives is that He wipes away our failure. He forgets it, because He sees Jesus when He looks at us. Because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross we have been covered completely by His grace so that we can have a relationship with God.

I can speak for myself when I say that I fail at living out the Gospel every day. I keep falling into stupid mindsets of how God couldn't possibly forgive what I've done and other mindsets that are of that nature. I constantly forget how big my God is. He is big enough to handle the hard questions. He is big enough to handle me being angry at Him. He is big enough to heal the broken situations that I am currently facing. He is leading me somewhere and all I have to do is let go, trust Him, and follow. I don't know why that is so hard for my finite mind to grasp, but it is and I do covet your prayers. Just pray that God gives me the courage to follow Him, let go of everything, trust Him, apply His Gospel to my life every day, and to simply love others just as He shows His love for me.

Here are some lines from songs that have challenged me a lot lately:

"Nothing is impossible for You, Nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible for You. You hold my world in Your hands." - Healer

"In the chaos, in confusion I know You're Sovereign still. In the moment of my weakness You give me grace to do Your will. When You call I won't delay. This my song through all my days. There is no one else for me. None but Jesus. Crucified to set me free. Now I live to bring Him praise..........All my delight is in You Lord. All of my hope, all of my strength. All my delight is in You Lord forevermore..." - None But Jesus

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss." - Lead Me To The Cross

"All to you, I Surrender…Everything, Every part of me. All to you, I Surrender…All of my dreams, All of me." - I Surrender

"And I surrender all to You, all to You. And I surrender all to You, all to You.." - Surrender

"You are all I want. You are all I need. Everything my heart could hope for. We are longing for the glory of the Lord, 'Cause we know there's so much more." - I Have Found

"I need You Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go? There's no other name by which I am saved. Capture me with grace. I will follow You." - Rescue

"Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out and start again? Is He not brave enough? To take one chance with me. Please can I have one chance to start again." - Strong Enough

"I’m letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams. Losing control of my destiny. Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe So I’m letting go" - I'm Letting Go

~Rescue~

There is a song by NewSong that really touches my heart and it makes me realize that I CANNOT live this life on my own. It's called "Rescue" and here are the lyrics. I'll elaborate on why it's an important song in my life after you read these beautiful lyrics.

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus, I need You Jesus

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You


I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other Name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
Lord I put my trust in You

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other Name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You


The arrangement that I'm listening to as I am writing this is performed by an artist named Eddie James. It's just him and his piano, but the way he delivers the message of this song is very touching. It tugs at my heart strings because to be bluntly honest, I sometimes don't think I need God to rescue me from anything. I think that I can fix things on my own, I don't give it all to Him, I don't let go of some things in my life, I don't follow Him when I need to the most, I forget that HE is my source of life, and I just don't trust Him sometimes....ok ok most of the time.
When things are out of my control, I freak out because I can't control the outcome of a situation. I keep forgetting that GOD knows best....not me. I mean, when I've given Him situations in the past He didn't let me down then....why can't I just let go of EVERYTHING now?? I guarantee that if I just let go and give it all away to Him my life would be so much better.
All of the stresses of this life are driving me insane....school, music, pressure to sing perfect, pressure to excel academically and so many more things....
THIS WORLD HAS NOTHING FOR ME!!!! Why can't I hold on to that truth?! GOD'S WORLD HAS EVERYTHING FOR ME!!!! He has me in His hand, He won't let go, He won't let me fall, He'll wipe away every tear I ever cry, He'll remove every fear that I have of what this world thinks of me, He'll give me a new start, He'll lead me in the right path and I need to follow it....I need to follow HIM!

There's a passage in Psalms that relates to this song "Rescue".

Psalm 55:1-6, 16-17, and 22.

"Listen to my prayer, O God,do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me.My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy,at the stares of the wicked for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.

But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

I can ask God the big questions....because He is big enough to answer them. David poured his heart out in this plea to God and God heard him and answered him.

I'm leaving everything behind and following where He leads....what else can I do?

Best Friends

In my life so far, I have never really had an actual close friend. I've never had a real best friend who I can share life with. I mean I have good friends and they have been great, but I have never had a go-to person who I could really count on to be there for me and who would love me for who God has made me to be.
In the past I always had to change something about me so that my so-called "friends" would accept me and like me.

Today I was just thinking to myself about what a best friend truly is and what defines a best friend.
So here is my list of definitions....as well as some Biblical definitions.

- A best friend will listen to you when you have something to talk about.
- They will love you for who you are no matter what. (Proverbs 17:17)
- They will support you in everything you do, except when you make dumb decisions, then they call you out on it.
- They won't ignore you.
- They won't hold grudges against you.
- They will help you carry your life's burdens. (Galatians 6:2)
- They know you so well that they know how to handle you in certain situations.
- They won't mind you calling them at 2am to vent or talk about something that's bothering you.
- They will tell you some things that you don't want to hear, but need to hear.
- They will point you to God.
- When you both are kind of having a spat, they will talk with you...not at you.
- They will be willing to know where you're coming from on a particular issue.
- They will be sensitive and respectful.
- They won't grow tired of seeing you and having you in their life.
- They will miss you when you're gone for a day.
- They will greet you like they have not seen you in years when you've been gone for a week.
- They will care for you when you are not feeling well.
- They will wear their hearts on their sleeves.
- They won't be afraid to tell you that they're upset with you.
- They won't forget you.
- They will know if you're lying when you say you're ok when you're actually not.
- They will live life with you.

The list could go on and on.
God puts people in our lives who might have some, if not all of those qualities. God is actually all of those things.
He made us as relational people with feelings, emotions, souls, hearts, etc. We all love to be loved by others.

Having someone that you can talk to, laugh with, cry with, and be there for, is something that is not to be taken for granted.

Cherish your best friend.

What's On My Heart Today

I'm in a class this semester called "Drama in Ministry" and the book that we are reading through for the class is "Thriving as an Artist in the Church" by Rory Noland.
Reading this book has been somewhat difficult for me personally because it challenges me in certain areas of my life. For example, in Chapter 3 Noland talks about how we need to be vulnerable, listen to our disappointment, to respond to rejection and failure, let our setbacks make us better artists, find God in the midst of our disappointments, and let the wrong doors close so the right ones can open. Those are his main points in this chapter.
The top 3 that are really difficult for me personally are 1) Be vulnerable, 2) Listen to my disappointment, and 3) How to respond to rejection and failure.
Being vulnerable is completely necessary in my opinion so that we can grow closer to one another in a relational aspect and on a spiritual level. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is healthy. Bottling things up inside is not beneficiary because you might explode at the wrong time and at the wrong person.
I hate being vulnerable because I never know how the person I am being vulnerable with, will react. I have a hard time trusting people with my life sometimes because I have been hurt by a lot of people who I thought I could trust. So it does take me awhile to open up to people and to get comfortable enough to share bits and pieces of my life with them. If they abuse any of those privileges of hearing those tid bits of my life then I immediately shut down and I keep quiet. That's just who I am. I'm big on trust.

Listening to my disappointment is something that I have honestly, never heard of in my life until I read this book. I mean yeah I get disappointed sometimes, but I just sulk in that feeling. I never actually listen to see what I could be learning from those disappointing experiences. I always focus more on who or what disappointed me rather than trying to see what God may be doing in the midst of that circumstance in my life.
Another instance where I get easily disappointed is when I feel like I lose my creativity. I write songs when I get inspired. Sometimes they flow perfectly and other times I get insanely frustrated because it doesn't flow smoothly at all. I have a ton of ideas that I want to communicate in a song, but I can never figure out how to communicate those thoughts. This greatly disappoints me because the field of ministry that God has called me to, involves songwriting and I need to just immerse myself in God and what HE wants as opposed to what I want for myself.

I hate failing at things that I am good at. I don't do well with failure. If I think that I didn't sing a song as effectively as I could have then I easily get disappointed in myself and I miss the big picture. Jesus perfects my worship when He presents it to God and I so often miss the meaning of that because when I think I failed, I feel like that song lost its meaning.
My goal with the talent is to praise God with my voice. To sing for Him and no one else. If that is in my heart every time I sing then that should be enough. It's about God....not me.
If my heart-set is in tune with that thought of it all being about God and none of it being about me, then that is when any song that I sing will have meaning and effect. I always know when a song has effect when God really tugs at my heart through it to the point where I can't sing without choking up. I know that worship is not supposed to be an emotionally draining experience, but sometimes when God's presence is so thick and tangible I can't help but get emotional. God changes my life in a different way every time His presence overwhelms the place that I am at. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes and I've come to accept that it is a great thing to be uncomfortable because you know that you're not growing deeper in your walk with God when you're too comfortable.

His love is enough

So today I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that I vie for people's attention more than God's attention. This is not healthy whatsoever. I mean I love being around people, hearing their stories, laughing with them, crying with them, and just being with people makes me happy.

That makes me happy so much that when I'm alone, I'm miserable. Like I literally get sad because I don't have anyone to talk to, laugh with, etc. Instead of making that alone time into something productive like doing homework, SPEND TIME WITH GOD, practice music, SPEND TIME WITH GOD......I usually just lock myself in a practice room, bang a random song on the piano, and sing until my throat hurts. That's how I deal with stress most of the time and it's unhealthy. Instead of hiding in a practice room and playing music, I should be talking to God about it all.

I get so emotionally attached to people that when they make new friends, I feel like a loner because I fall into that mindset of "oh....they're tired of me. maybe I should back off." Feeling like a loner is my own fault; it's not their fault! Sometimes I just need to jump in, take a risk, and hope they love me. And if they don't.....then my God is enough. I have GOT to rest in the fact that God is enough. My joy should be in Him....not people. I mean I am still incredibly blessed by people, but the sad truth is that they let me down....my God does NOT let me down.

It breaks my heart because I know that He's there, but I choose to vie for someone else's affection instead of His.

I need to rest in His love; otherwise I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life and I don't want to be miserable...I want to be so overjoyed that it's disgusting.

GOD'S LOVE IS ENOUGH!!!

The Heart Of Worship

Is worship music? Is worship art? Is worship gathering together just for the sake of gathering together? Is worship painting an abstract painting? Is worship setting up the chairs before the service even starts?

To be quite honest, the answer to all of these questions....is no. Before you die of a heart-attack at my response, let me explain myself.

There are many Greek and Hebrew words that translate into the word “worship”, but two examples will suffice for now. The Greek word “proskyneo” and the Hebrew word “shachac” have two different meanings. “Proskyneo” means “kiss or to kiss forward” and “shachac” means “to bow down”. As you can see, none of these words have anything to do with music, therefore we know for a fact that singing or playing music is not the only way to “worship” God. In fact I think there is a Greek word that comprised the word "worship" that means "dog". I thought that was interesting because it makes me think of "Cat and Dog Theology". The cat side of that has the mindset of "God You're GONNA love me. You're GONNA take care of me." whereas the dog side has the mindset of "Wow. God You love me and You take care of me. I'm going to love you back." With all of that said, we are dogs. I know that sounds funny, but when you really think about it it totally makes sense.

I think that we too often affiliate the term "worship" with music. Yes music is a great way to express our love to our God, but it's not the only way. People can truly and genuinely worship God by painting a painting, listening to a friend when they need someone to talk to, setting up the chairs before the service starts, singing a song for special music, changing a diaper, serving someone in an area where they need help the most, etc etc the list goes on and on.

I like the phrase "setting up the chairs before the service starts" because the people who actually do that, don't really receive a lot of credit for what they do. Not that getting acknowledgment is their goal, but the way that they serve in that way is incredible to me. They take the time to set things up and get things going so that the "worship" service can run smoothly.

For me personally, worship is us giving our hearts, our lives, our crap, our EVERYTHING to God. It is a lifestyle that is to be lived out every single day. Not just once or twice a week in a building that we call "church".

Worship does not have a particular look, sound, feel, sense. It is simply giving everything in our lives to God and praising Him for who He is. In a way, it is our solution to defeating God's loneliness. Constantly pursuing a relationship with Him IS our act of worship! Without it we can't fuel ourselves spiritually and without fuel, we don't produce anything.

WORSHIP = FUEL FOR LIFE!

Weird Kind of Day

For some reason I feel like I'm having a really weird day. I feel goofy, blah, sad-ish, contemplative, alone, replaced, and just all sorts of emotions; good and bad. I actually never thought that it was humanly possible to experience all of these emotions at the same time.

I just hate having either bad days or weird days. I want to have good days where I experience God in a new light. I'm kind of an optimist. I love finding the good in almost every situation.

I was kind of having a weird day yesterday and my room mate Ashley said, "You know it's ok to have a bad day. You don't have to 'get over it'. Just sulk in this bad day". Now when she said that I was actually kind of offended because, like I said, I love having good days and I hate having bad days, but at the same time I knew she was right. Trying to cover up hurt is sooooo difficult, especially when you are surrounded by people who know you and who won't leave you alone until to you spill out your guts.

Having bad days is normal. It actually balances out our personalities and they kind of shape us into who we are. So I guess I'll just soak in what God is trying to teach me through this weird day.

Healer (take two)

So tonight I gave a devotional in SpiritWing practice and I didn't get all of my thoughts out there so I thought I'd put them here :) Enjoy!
OH...PS this is almost verbatim what I said :)


"When I first heard the song Healer I had a few thoughts cross my mind...1) Omgosh this is way too high for me to sing, 2) How on earth am I gonna pull this off 3) I just thought of a huge band-aid....and then my final thought was after the song was over was wow...God is my Healer. I've never thought of that before.

Then I realized how selfish my first 2 thoughts of the song were so I listened to it again to see if I could connect more with it and I eventually did. For me I have to listen to a song like a million times before I can really connect with it enough to deliver the message of it clearly and effectively.

I actually had the opportunity to see Kari Jobe perform Healer live at West County Community Church this past summer....like in August or something....and I think that is when I truly connected to that song because I experienced a real person singing it live....and the way she delivered the message of the song was so effective that it made me actually believe that God has healed so many broken situations in my life. I honestly can't believe that it took me so long to realize that, but the important thing is that God showed me how He has worked in those broken situations through that performance of Healer at West County Community Church.

Anyways...after listening to this song multiple times I began to kind of dissect it and searched for a deeper meaning in this song.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

That verse alone reassures me personally...that God has got me and He isn't going to let go....even if I feel like He has sometimes.

I trust in You
I trust in You

For some reason....whenever I sing this line of the entire song I think about "I Have Found". The part where it says "I have found a trust that teaches how to rest..." really sticks out to me in this song because that is the purpose of trust...when we trust someone we can rest in knowing that they are going to follow through and we can depend on them.....this should be the same way in our relationship with God, but for some reason we can't wrap the idea of trusting God with EVERYTHING around our minds. Letting go and trusting God is a key element to a healthy relationship with God.

Then of course:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

This is our response of praise to our God for healing and mending the brokenness of our lives...
One verse that Brittany uses when she intros You are On Our Side that I found to be perfect for Healer is Hosea 6:1-2, which says, "Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us; he has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." The one line that just blows my mind in this passage is in the very first verse "He has torn us to pieces, but He will HEAL us...." Now nothing bad comes from God because He is sinless and perfect....but I personally believe that He lets certain circumstances occur in our lives to help us realize that we DO need God and that we NEED to depend on Him because He is the source of our lives and without Him our lives have no meaning.

I love the way Kim Walker talked about God's love in this YouTube video that I found one time....she was singing "How He Loves" and in the middle of the song she started talking about the love of God. The quote that I think really pertains to us as a group is this "Without His love these are just songs, these are just words, these are just instruments, without the love of God it's just like we're up here making noise but the love of God changes us and we're never the same".

God shows us His love in a lot of different ways and one really really effective way is through His healing. Yes He sometimes breaks us (which in all reality is a great thing), but He makes sure that He mends the pieces and that He brings us to Himself....

Now on to the bridge:

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

When we sing this part of the bridge together it kind of overwhelms me, but in a good good way because at this point of the song we are saying...."God you know what we go through in our every-day lives....You know what You are doing......You overcame this world and nothing is too great for You to accomplish."
I'm also reminded of a verse in Luke...which says exactly that "For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37

This song has really moved me and worked through me in many different ways....like say if I've had a bad day and we rehearse this song whenever we practice....I find rest in this song because I know that even though I had a bad day God will Heal it together again and make things new the next day. God is my Healer....He's our Healer :) "

What does God know?

A lot of people in this world think that God does not exist and that God is never there when they need Him. It really breaks my heart when people think that because I have felt that way before and it's very discouraging to feel like God doesn't hear prayers, or He doesn't see what happens in our lives, or anything of that nature.
I know that for me personally, I thought God wasn't there for me because I didn't get immediate results from prayers that had requests for certain areas in my life. I also thought He wasn't there for me when an awful tragedy happened in my life and He didn't immediately swoop down to save me or the other people that were involved.

I also think that people have a hard time believing that God is there because they can't see or touch Him. In this day and age we only believe in things that we can see and touch. Well....think on this....the wind is real right? I mean we can feel it and see its effects on the grass and the trees, but we can't see it. God is the same as the wind in some aspects. We can feel Him move and work in our lives; we can also see how He works whenever He brings us through a tragedy, when He gives us a good day, yet we can't see Him physically.

There is a verse in Romans that relates to this common issue. It says, "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse" (Romans 1:20)
"His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen" wow! I don't see how it could be any plainer. God's word even tells us that even though we cannot see Him we can still experience "His eternal power and divine nature".

With all of that said....God is indeed alive and real. I promise you that He will be the best thing ever in your life.
Now....as for answers to prayers....God answers in three ways; Yes, No, and Wait. I think the two answers that we have the most trouble with are "No and Wait" because we want a lot of things in life and we hate being told "No". Being told to wait on something has that same effect because we want things now...not later.

Ok story time....
So I think I blogged about me not having a voice awhile back and how I didn't know why God took it away. Well....now that I look back on it...I handled it all wrong. I was so "me-centered" instead of looking at how God was working in that situation. In that time of not being able to laugh, talk, and sing, I found that even without a voice...God is enough. I was able to serve Him and further His kingdom in new ways. To love Him in new ways.....to experience Him in new ways. It drew me closer to Him than any song that I could sing, or any conversation that I could have with a someone.
It was hard to not have a voice because as you all know...I love to sing, talk, joke around and make people laugh, but at the same time being quiet was an amazing experience. And I don't mean just being quiet physically...I mean spiritually as well. To just slow down and find how God was working in that time just brought me peace...even though I was kinda mad at Him for taking my voice away.

My whole point overall is that God IS real, He DOES care about you, He LONGS for a relationship with you, He KNOWS what is best for you, and He will ALWAYS be there for you.
So...if you're facing a situation where you don't think God cares or that He doesn't know what He's doing....just wait and see what He has for you. He has something better than what this world can offer you...trust me. You will get better opportunities, better gigs, and better chances to bring Him glory because He will make it happen....just not in your timing :)