So today I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that I vie for people's attention more than God's attention. This is not healthy whatsoever. I mean I love being around people, hearing their stories, laughing with them, crying with them, and just being with people makes me happy.
That makes me happy so much that when I'm alone, I'm miserable. Like I literally get sad because I don't have anyone to talk to, laugh with, etc. Instead of making that alone time into something productive like doing homework, SPEND TIME WITH GOD, practice music, SPEND TIME WITH GOD......I usually just lock myself in a practice room, bang a random song on the piano, and sing until my throat hurts. That's how I deal with stress most of the time and it's unhealthy. Instead of hiding in a practice room and playing music, I should be talking to God about it all.
I get so emotionally attached to people that when they make new friends, I feel like a loner because I fall into that mindset of "oh....they're tired of me. maybe I should back off." Feeling like a loner is my own fault; it's not their fault! Sometimes I just need to jump in, take a risk, and hope they love me. And if they don't.....then my God is enough. I have GOT to rest in the fact that God is enough. My joy should be in Him....not people. I mean I am still incredibly blessed by people, but the sad truth is that they let me down....my God does NOT let me down.
It breaks my heart because I know that He's there, but I choose to vie for someone else's affection instead of His.
I need to rest in His love; otherwise I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life and I don't want to be miserable...I want to be so overjoyed that it's disgusting.
GOD'S LOVE IS ENOUGH!!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Heart Of Worship
Is worship music? Is worship art? Is worship gathering together just for the sake of gathering together? Is worship painting an abstract painting? Is worship setting up the chairs before the service even starts?
To be quite honest, the answer to all of these questions....is no. Before you die of a heart-attack at my response, let me explain myself.
There are many Greek and Hebrew words that translate into the word “worship”, but two examples will suffice for now. The Greek word “proskyneo” and the Hebrew word “shachac” have two different meanings. “Proskyneo” means “kiss or to kiss forward” and “shachac” means “to bow down”. As you can see, none of these words have anything to do with music, therefore we know for a fact that singing or playing music is not the only way to “worship” God. In fact I think there is a Greek word that comprised the word "worship" that means "dog". I thought that was interesting because it makes me think of "Cat and Dog Theology". The cat side of that has the mindset of "God You're GONNA love me. You're GONNA take care of me." whereas the dog side has the mindset of "Wow. God You love me and You take care of me. I'm going to love you back." With all of that said, we are dogs. I know that sounds funny, but when you really think about it it totally makes sense.
I think that we too often affiliate the term "worship" with music. Yes music is a great way to express our love to our God, but it's not the only way. People can truly and genuinely worship God by painting a painting, listening to a friend when they need someone to talk to, setting up the chairs before the service starts, singing a song for special music, changing a diaper, serving someone in an area where they need help the most, etc etc the list goes on and on.
I like the phrase "setting up the chairs before the service starts" because the people who actually do that, don't really receive a lot of credit for what they do. Not that getting acknowledgment is their goal, but the way that they serve in that way is incredible to me. They take the time to set things up and get things going so that the "worship" service can run smoothly.
For me personally, worship is us giving our hearts, our lives, our crap, our EVERYTHING to God. It is a lifestyle that is to be lived out every single day. Not just once or twice a week in a building that we call "church".
Worship does not have a particular look, sound, feel, sense. It is simply giving everything in our lives to God and praising Him for who He is. In a way, it is our solution to defeating God's loneliness. Constantly pursuing a relationship with Him IS our act of worship! Without it we can't fuel ourselves spiritually and without fuel, we don't produce anything.
WORSHIP = FUEL FOR LIFE!
To be quite honest, the answer to all of these questions....is no. Before you die of a heart-attack at my response, let me explain myself.
There are many Greek and Hebrew words that translate into the word “worship”, but two examples will suffice for now. The Greek word “proskyneo” and the Hebrew word “shachac” have two different meanings. “Proskyneo” means “kiss or to kiss forward” and “shachac” means “to bow down”. As you can see, none of these words have anything to do with music, therefore we know for a fact that singing or playing music is not the only way to “worship” God. In fact I think there is a Greek word that comprised the word "worship" that means "dog". I thought that was interesting because it makes me think of "Cat and Dog Theology". The cat side of that has the mindset of "God You're GONNA love me. You're GONNA take care of me." whereas the dog side has the mindset of "Wow. God You love me and You take care of me. I'm going to love you back." With all of that said, we are dogs. I know that sounds funny, but when you really think about it it totally makes sense.
I think that we too often affiliate the term "worship" with music. Yes music is a great way to express our love to our God, but it's not the only way. People can truly and genuinely worship God by painting a painting, listening to a friend when they need someone to talk to, setting up the chairs before the service starts, singing a song for special music, changing a diaper, serving someone in an area where they need help the most, etc etc the list goes on and on.
I like the phrase "setting up the chairs before the service starts" because the people who actually do that, don't really receive a lot of credit for what they do. Not that getting acknowledgment is their goal, but the way that they serve in that way is incredible to me. They take the time to set things up and get things going so that the "worship" service can run smoothly.
For me personally, worship is us giving our hearts, our lives, our crap, our EVERYTHING to God. It is a lifestyle that is to be lived out every single day. Not just once or twice a week in a building that we call "church".
Worship does not have a particular look, sound, feel, sense. It is simply giving everything in our lives to God and praising Him for who He is. In a way, it is our solution to defeating God's loneliness. Constantly pursuing a relationship with Him IS our act of worship! Without it we can't fuel ourselves spiritually and without fuel, we don't produce anything.
WORSHIP = FUEL FOR LIFE!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Weird Kind of Day
For some reason I feel like I'm having a really weird day. I feel goofy, blah, sad-ish, contemplative, alone, replaced, and just all sorts of emotions; good and bad. I actually never thought that it was humanly possible to experience all of these emotions at the same time.
I just hate having either bad days or weird days. I want to have good days where I experience God in a new light. I'm kind of an optimist. I love finding the good in almost every situation.
I was kind of having a weird day yesterday and my room mate Ashley said, "You know it's ok to have a bad day. You don't have to 'get over it'. Just sulk in this bad day". Now when she said that I was actually kind of offended because, like I said, I love having good days and I hate having bad days, but at the same time I knew she was right. Trying to cover up hurt is sooooo difficult, especially when you are surrounded by people who know you and who won't leave you alone until to you spill out your guts.
Having bad days is normal. It actually balances out our personalities and they kind of shape us into who we are. So I guess I'll just soak in what God is trying to teach me through this weird day.
I just hate having either bad days or weird days. I want to have good days where I experience God in a new light. I'm kind of an optimist. I love finding the good in almost every situation.
I was kind of having a weird day yesterday and my room mate Ashley said, "You know it's ok to have a bad day. You don't have to 'get over it'. Just sulk in this bad day". Now when she said that I was actually kind of offended because, like I said, I love having good days and I hate having bad days, but at the same time I knew she was right. Trying to cover up hurt is sooooo difficult, especially when you are surrounded by people who know you and who won't leave you alone until to you spill out your guts.
Having bad days is normal. It actually balances out our personalities and they kind of shape us into who we are. So I guess I'll just soak in what God is trying to teach me through this weird day.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Healer (take two)
So tonight I gave a devotional in SpiritWing practice and I didn't get all of my thoughts out there so I thought I'd put them here :) Enjoy!
OH...PS this is almost verbatim what I said :)
"When I first heard the song Healer I had a few thoughts cross my mind...1) Omgosh this is way too high for me to sing, 2) How on earth am I gonna pull this off 3) I just thought of a huge band-aid....and then my final thought was after the song was over was wow...God is my Healer. I've never thought of that before.
Then I realized how selfish my first 2 thoughts of the song were so I listened to it again to see if I could connect more with it and I eventually did. For me I have to listen to a song like a million times before I can really connect with it enough to deliver the message of it clearly and effectively.
I actually had the opportunity to see Kari Jobe perform Healer live at West County Community Church this past summer....like in August or something....and I think that is when I truly connected to that song because I experienced a real person singing it live....and the way she delivered the message of the song was so effective that it made me actually believe that God has healed so many broken situations in my life. I honestly can't believe that it took me so long to realize that, but the important thing is that God showed me how He has worked in those broken situations through that performance of Healer at West County Community Church.
Anyways...after listening to this song multiple times I began to kind of dissect it and searched for a deeper meaning in this song.
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
That verse alone reassures me personally...that God has got me and He isn't going to let go....even if I feel like He has sometimes.
I trust in You
I trust in You
For some reason....whenever I sing this line of the entire song I think about "I Have Found". The part where it says "I have found a trust that teaches how to rest..." really sticks out to me in this song because that is the purpose of trust...when we trust someone we can rest in knowing that they are going to follow through and we can depend on them.....this should be the same way in our relationship with God, but for some reason we can't wrap the idea of trusting God with EVERYTHING around our minds. Letting go and trusting God is a key element to a healthy relationship with God.
Then of course:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
This is our response of praise to our God for healing and mending the brokenness of our lives...
One verse that Brittany uses when she intros You are On Our Side that I found to be perfect for Healer is Hosea 6:1-2, which says, "Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us; he has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." The one line that just blows my mind in this passage is in the very first verse "He has torn us to pieces, but He will HEAL us...." Now nothing bad comes from God because He is sinless and perfect....but I personally believe that He lets certain circumstances occur in our lives to help us realize that we DO need God and that we NEED to depend on Him because He is the source of our lives and without Him our lives have no meaning.
I love the way Kim Walker talked about God's love in this YouTube video that I found one time....she was singing "How He Loves" and in the middle of the song she started talking about the love of God. The quote that I think really pertains to us as a group is this "Without His love these are just songs, these are just words, these are just instruments, without the love of God it's just like we're up here making noise but the love of God changes us and we're never the same".
God shows us His love in a lot of different ways and one really really effective way is through His healing. Yes He sometimes breaks us (which in all reality is a great thing), but He makes sure that He mends the pieces and that He brings us to Himself....
Now on to the bridge:
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
When we sing this part of the bridge together it kind of overwhelms me, but in a good good way because at this point of the song we are saying...."God you know what we go through in our every-day lives....You know what You are doing......You overcame this world and nothing is too great for You to accomplish."
I'm also reminded of a verse in Luke...which says exactly that "For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37
This song has really moved me and worked through me in many different ways....like say if I've had a bad day and we rehearse this song whenever we practice....I find rest in this song because I know that even though I had a bad day God will Heal it together again and make things new the next day. God is my Healer....He's our Healer :) "
OH...PS this is almost verbatim what I said :)
"When I first heard the song Healer I had a few thoughts cross my mind...1) Omgosh this is way too high for me to sing, 2) How on earth am I gonna pull this off 3) I just thought of a huge band-aid....and then my final thought was after the song was over was wow...God is my Healer. I've never thought of that before.
Then I realized how selfish my first 2 thoughts of the song were so I listened to it again to see if I could connect more with it and I eventually did. For me I have to listen to a song like a million times before I can really connect with it enough to deliver the message of it clearly and effectively.
I actually had the opportunity to see Kari Jobe perform Healer live at West County Community Church this past summer....like in August or something....and I think that is when I truly connected to that song because I experienced a real person singing it live....and the way she delivered the message of the song was so effective that it made me actually believe that God has healed so many broken situations in my life. I honestly can't believe that it took me so long to realize that, but the important thing is that God showed me how He has worked in those broken situations through that performance of Healer at West County Community Church.
Anyways...after listening to this song multiple times I began to kind of dissect it and searched for a deeper meaning in this song.
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
That verse alone reassures me personally...that God has got me and He isn't going to let go....even if I feel like He has sometimes.
I trust in You
I trust in You
For some reason....whenever I sing this line of the entire song I think about "I Have Found". The part where it says "I have found a trust that teaches how to rest..." really sticks out to me in this song because that is the purpose of trust...when we trust someone we can rest in knowing that they are going to follow through and we can depend on them.....this should be the same way in our relationship with God, but for some reason we can't wrap the idea of trusting God with EVERYTHING around our minds. Letting go and trusting God is a key element to a healthy relationship with God.
Then of course:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
This is our response of praise to our God for healing and mending the brokenness of our lives...
One verse that Brittany uses when she intros You are On Our Side that I found to be perfect for Healer is Hosea 6:1-2, which says, "Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us; he has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." The one line that just blows my mind in this passage is in the very first verse "He has torn us to pieces, but He will HEAL us...." Now nothing bad comes from God because He is sinless and perfect....but I personally believe that He lets certain circumstances occur in our lives to help us realize that we DO need God and that we NEED to depend on Him because He is the source of our lives and without Him our lives have no meaning.
I love the way Kim Walker talked about God's love in this YouTube video that I found one time....she was singing "How He Loves" and in the middle of the song she started talking about the love of God. The quote that I think really pertains to us as a group is this "Without His love these are just songs, these are just words, these are just instruments, without the love of God it's just like we're up here making noise but the love of God changes us and we're never the same".
God shows us His love in a lot of different ways and one really really effective way is through His healing. Yes He sometimes breaks us (which in all reality is a great thing), but He makes sure that He mends the pieces and that He brings us to Himself....
Now on to the bridge:
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
When we sing this part of the bridge together it kind of overwhelms me, but in a good good way because at this point of the song we are saying...."God you know what we go through in our every-day lives....You know what You are doing......You overcame this world and nothing is too great for You to accomplish."
I'm also reminded of a verse in Luke...which says exactly that "For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37
This song has really moved me and worked through me in many different ways....like say if I've had a bad day and we rehearse this song whenever we practice....I find rest in this song because I know that even though I had a bad day God will Heal it together again and make things new the next day. God is my Healer....He's our Healer :) "
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What does God know?
A lot of people in this world think that God does not exist and that God is never there when they need Him. It really breaks my heart when people think that because I have felt that way before and it's very discouraging to feel like God doesn't hear prayers, or He doesn't see what happens in our lives, or anything of that nature.
I know that for me personally, I thought God wasn't there for me because I didn't get immediate results from prayers that had requests for certain areas in my life. I also thought He wasn't there for me when an awful tragedy happened in my life and He didn't immediately swoop down to save me or the other people that were involved.
I also think that people have a hard time believing that God is there because they can't see or touch Him. In this day and age we only believe in things that we can see and touch. Well....think on this....the wind is real right? I mean we can feel it and see its effects on the grass and the trees, but we can't see it. God is the same as the wind in some aspects. We can feel Him move and work in our lives; we can also see how He works whenever He brings us through a tragedy, when He gives us a good day, yet we can't see Him physically.
There is a verse in Romans that relates to this common issue. It says, "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse" (Romans 1:20)
"His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen" wow! I don't see how it could be any plainer. God's word even tells us that even though we cannot see Him we can still experience "His eternal power and divine nature".
With all of that said....God is indeed alive and real. I promise you that He will be the best thing ever in your life.
Now....as for answers to prayers....God answers in three ways; Yes, No, and Wait. I think the two answers that we have the most trouble with are "No and Wait" because we want a lot of things in life and we hate being told "No". Being told to wait on something has that same effect because we want things now...not later.
Ok story time....
So I think I blogged about me not having a voice awhile back and how I didn't know why God took it away. Well....now that I look back on it...I handled it all wrong. I was so "me-centered" instead of looking at how God was working in that situation. In that time of not being able to laugh, talk, and sing, I found that even without a voice...God is enough. I was able to serve Him and further His kingdom in new ways. To love Him in new ways.....to experience Him in new ways. It drew me closer to Him than any song that I could sing, or any conversation that I could have with a someone.
It was hard to not have a voice because as you all know...I love to sing, talk, joke around and make people laugh, but at the same time being quiet was an amazing experience. And I don't mean just being quiet physically...I mean spiritually as well. To just slow down and find how God was working in that time just brought me peace...even though I was kinda mad at Him for taking my voice away.
My whole point overall is that God IS real, He DOES care about you, He LONGS for a relationship with you, He KNOWS what is best for you, and He will ALWAYS be there for you.
So...if you're facing a situation where you don't think God cares or that He doesn't know what He's doing....just wait and see what He has for you. He has something better than what this world can offer you...trust me. You will get better opportunities, better gigs, and better chances to bring Him glory because He will make it happen....just not in your timing :)
I know that for me personally, I thought God wasn't there for me because I didn't get immediate results from prayers that had requests for certain areas in my life. I also thought He wasn't there for me when an awful tragedy happened in my life and He didn't immediately swoop down to save me or the other people that were involved.
I also think that people have a hard time believing that God is there because they can't see or touch Him. In this day and age we only believe in things that we can see and touch. Well....think on this....the wind is real right? I mean we can feel it and see its effects on the grass and the trees, but we can't see it. God is the same as the wind in some aspects. We can feel Him move and work in our lives; we can also see how He works whenever He brings us through a tragedy, when He gives us a good day, yet we can't see Him physically.
There is a verse in Romans that relates to this common issue. It says, "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse" (Romans 1:20)
"His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen" wow! I don't see how it could be any plainer. God's word even tells us that even though we cannot see Him we can still experience "His eternal power and divine nature".
With all of that said....God is indeed alive and real. I promise you that He will be the best thing ever in your life.
Now....as for answers to prayers....God answers in three ways; Yes, No, and Wait. I think the two answers that we have the most trouble with are "No and Wait" because we want a lot of things in life and we hate being told "No". Being told to wait on something has that same effect because we want things now...not later.
Ok story time....
So I think I blogged about me not having a voice awhile back and how I didn't know why God took it away. Well....now that I look back on it...I handled it all wrong. I was so "me-centered" instead of looking at how God was working in that situation. In that time of not being able to laugh, talk, and sing, I found that even without a voice...God is enough. I was able to serve Him and further His kingdom in new ways. To love Him in new ways.....to experience Him in new ways. It drew me closer to Him than any song that I could sing, or any conversation that I could have with a someone.
It was hard to not have a voice because as you all know...I love to sing, talk, joke around and make people laugh, but at the same time being quiet was an amazing experience. And I don't mean just being quiet physically...I mean spiritually as well. To just slow down and find how God was working in that time just brought me peace...even though I was kinda mad at Him for taking my voice away.
My whole point overall is that God IS real, He DOES care about you, He LONGS for a relationship with you, He KNOWS what is best for you, and He will ALWAYS be there for you.
So...if you're facing a situation where you don't think God cares or that He doesn't know what He's doing....just wait and see what He has for you. He has something better than what this world can offer you...trust me. You will get better opportunities, better gigs, and better chances to bring Him glory because He will make it happen....just not in your timing :)
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