Piano Doodling :)

Thoughts for Today

So here are a few thoughts running through my mind.

Today I was reading Romans 11 and a few things stood out to me.
The last few verses of the entire chapter just kind of did something inside of me. I have yet to determine how I actually felt or what actually happened inside of my heart, but I'll let you know as soon as I figure that out.

~Verses 30-36~


"For just as you were at one time disobedient to God but now have received mercy because of their disobedience, so they too have now been disobedient in order that by the mercy shown to you they also may now receive mercy. For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all. Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." ESV



"There was a time not so long ago when you were on the outs with God. But then the Jews slammed the door on him and things opened up for you. Now they are on the outs. But with the door held wide open for you, they have a way back in. In one way or another, God makes sure that we all experience what it means to be outside so that he can personally open the door and welcome us back in. Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes." The Message

I guess I felt a sense of "awe" because every attribute of God is unfathomable. "We'll never figure it out". That is probably one of the most frustrating things, for me personally, in my walk with Christ....not being able to know or understand where He is leading or why He is doing a certain thing in my life. 

One thing that I quickly forget all of the time is that I can get a glimpse of what God has for me...if I just take the time to experience Him and converse with Him every day. Sadly, I don't do that every day. My excuses are that I don't have time, I'm too busy, I feel like He isn't with me anyway so why do it?, and all of my excuses are self-centered. 

I can still experience God even if I may feel like He isn't there. Believe it or not, that is do-able. Sometimes I experience God at work when I least expect it. It's like "Surprise! I'm doing something in your life right now!!". 

So often I find myself demanding things from God; not praying, not humbly asking....but demanding! I always do that! I know that I shouldn't, but I do it anyway because I feel like I need the things that I'm demanding of Him....when in fact....I just need Him and His love. 

I am so NOT perfect!

I have an announcement!!!

I'm Human!

I pretty much stink at playing this game called life. 

Lately I have come to realize that yeah I do have strengths, but I also have weaknesses and I have overlooked those weaknesses for so long that I have become numb to God's Word and have not realized how I may come off to other people. 

I continually let my flesh get the better of me instead of letting God get the better of me. God is right there and I just overlook Him because I'm looking out for number 1. I keep vying for people's attention and their friendship rather than God's attention and God's friendship! WHY AM I DOING THIS?!

Tonight I read Romans 7 because my friend Lauren and I are reading through Romans together and I went to the next chapter because I was curious as to what it said. 

God cracks me up sometimes. He knows what I need to hear; even when it's hard to take in. This was a hard read for me.

Here is Romans 7:7-25 [The Message Translation]

"But I can hear you say, "If the law code was as bad as all that, it's no better than sin itself." That's certainly not true. The law code had a perfectly legitimate function. Without its clear guidelines for right and wrong, moral behavior would be mostly guesswork. Apart from the succinct, surgical command, "You shall not covet," I could have dressed covetousness up to look like a virtue and ruined my life with it.

 Don't you remember how it was? I do, perfectly well. The law code started out as an excellent piece of work. What happened, though, was that sin found a way to pervert the command into a temptation, making a piece of "forbidden fruit" out of it. The law code, instead of being used to guide me, was used to seduce me. Without all the paraphernalia of the law code, sin looked pretty dull and lifeless, and I went along without paying much attention to it. But once sin got its hands on the law code and decked itself out in all that finery, I was fooled, and fell for it. The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong. So sin was plenty alive, and I was stone dead. But the law code itself is God's good and common sense, each command sane and holy counsel.

 I can already hear your next question: "Does that mean I can't even trust what is good [that is, the law]? Is good just as dangerous as evil?" No again! Sin simply did what sin is so famous for doing: using the good as a cover to tempt me to do what would finally destroy me. By hiding within God's good commandment, sin did far more mischief than it could ever have accomplished on its own.

 I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." 

I constantly let my sin get the better of me. 

I am NOT perfect. I struggle with a lot more than people know.

Most of the time, my life stresses me out because I try to deal with it alone. I try to deal with it alone because I don't want to be an inconvenience to anyone....at least that's the mindset that I fall into. I know that it sounds lame, but it's the truth. 

In the midst of all of this I can still find assurance in the hope of God. Struggles produce perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope (Romans 5:3). 

Even when I struggle through this life, I know that my God is right there. I just need to take advantage of having Him near me instead of looking to other people and their lame-o advice. Let's face it, compared to God's advice our advice is nothing.

So yeah....I'm not perfect at all. I don't have it together, but I know a God who does have it all together for me.