His love is enough

So today I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that I vie for people's attention more than God's attention. This is not healthy whatsoever. I mean I love being around people, hearing their stories, laughing with them, crying with them, and just being with people makes me happy.

That makes me happy so much that when I'm alone, I'm miserable. Like I literally get sad because I don't have anyone to talk to, laugh with, etc. Instead of making that alone time into something productive like doing homework, SPEND TIME WITH GOD, practice music, SPEND TIME WITH GOD......I usually just lock myself in a practice room, bang a random song on the piano, and sing until my throat hurts. That's how I deal with stress most of the time and it's unhealthy. Instead of hiding in a practice room and playing music, I should be talking to God about it all.

I get so emotionally attached to people that when they make new friends, I feel like a loner because I fall into that mindset of "oh....they're tired of me. maybe I should back off." Feeling like a loner is my own fault; it's not their fault! Sometimes I just need to jump in, take a risk, and hope they love me. And if they don't.....then my God is enough. I have GOT to rest in the fact that God is enough. My joy should be in Him....not people. I mean I am still incredibly blessed by people, but the sad truth is that they let me down....my God does NOT let me down.

It breaks my heart because I know that He's there, but I choose to vie for someone else's affection instead of His.

I need to rest in His love; otherwise I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life and I don't want to be miserable...I want to be so overjoyed that it's disgusting.

GOD'S LOVE IS ENOUGH!!!