I am so so soooo frustrated at myself right now. Last night in SpiritWing practice, I didn't do so well on the song that I sing called "Healer" and I know that I shouldn't beat myself up over something like that, but I couldn't stop myself from being angry with myself for not doing my best. So that's one thing that I'm really kinda frustrated about.
I am also frustrated with my music courses! Oh my gosh! For some reason today kind of threw me over the edge with music. I actually started to hate it.....HATE it! That's never happened before.
I'm thinking that the main reason why I get frustrated with my music courses is because....well....I don't exactly understand it as quickly as my professor would like. I feel like I'm behind, like everyone else knows what they're doing, etc etc...
Whenever I don't think that I don't do my best at something, I get irritated and frustrated with myself and beat myself down. I don't feel like being around anyone because I don't want to spread the bad feeling of frustration to my friends and family.
You'd think that I would pray hardcore and just listen for God....but I honestly don't do that as often as I should. Instead...I find an open practice room and start pounding my emotions on a piano. Even after I'm done on the piano...I don't feel satisfied.
It's crazy to me how easily I can become frustrated with something that I truly love, yet it's even more crazy/sad that music takes the place of comfort for my frustrations instead of having God as my comfort.
I normally don't do this, but I need your prayers badly. Having music become more important than God is NOT a good thing at all and I need to realize that God is the One who gave me a voice, who gave me talent, and who gave me life. I need to praise His name even in my frustrations....not go off by myself and play piano for 3hours.
I'd greatly appreciate your prayers.
Thanks,
-Liz Hitt
No comments:
Post a Comment