I Want to Be Confident!

So it just hit me today that this is the last week of classes before finals week and....I am drowning in assignments that still are not done, songs that are not ready, and thoughts of having to take certain classes over again.

I'm not looking for a pity party at all; I'm just venting. It's always better to get things off your chest in some way.

As of right now I feel like a complete idiot when it comes to the technical side of music. Part writing, line analysis, harmonic dictation, rhythmic dictation, melodic dictation, among other things are getting harder and harder for me to grasp and understand....IT'S THE LAST WEEK OF CLASSES!! It's basically too late for me to get up to speed on things and knowing that I may have to re-take Music Theory 2 and Sight Singing/Ear Training 2 is not a pleasant thought to have on my mind.
I love music and I love learning new things about it.....it's one of my passions, but for some reason it's just hard to grasp certain concepts at a fast pace. I honestly thought it would be easier than it is. I even cried in class because I failed the ear training part of my sight singing/ear training test.
I guess what I don't understand is that if God placed music on my heart, why am I doing so badly? Why can't I understand it as easily as others?

I'm at the point where I am so frustrated with music that I'm starting to question my passion. Is music really what God wants? What is He doing?
Not being on board with what God is doing is not what I want. I want to be able to know what He's doing right now and be confident. I don't want to doubt myself. I want to throw all of this technical crap out of the window and just sing. All I've wanted to do in my life is sing for God and share His love to the world through my music.

I am just at a loss as to what to do. I know that I need to seek God and converse with Him about what He is doing, but for some reason it doesn't seem like that is enough. I just want His will for my life to slap me in the face and direct me in the right way.
I want to be confident in the passion that He has set upon my heart.

I can't let these little technical things get in the way of the big picture. I just honestly don't want to cry every time I go to Sight Singing/Ear Training....I want to actually be excited to learn something new and to apply it to my music. I really want to succeed and I can't do that without God. He is my success and I need to be more confident in Him.

Ok I'm done venting....promise :)

Random Facts About Me

For some reason I just felt the need to post some things that you may not know about me. These probably aren't really great for "coffee conversations", but I thought this would be fun.
If you do know some of things congratulations; if not, enjoy :)

1) I accepted Jesus Christ when I was 5 years old.
2) I have two brothers. One younger and one older.
3) I have a grade one heart murmur
4) I don't really like being alone most of the time.
5) I love to sing
6) I have never had a boyfriend
7) I have encountered some idiotic men (long story)
8) My favorite meal is my Mom's home-made deep dish pizza
9) My favorite time of the year is fall
10) I like both cats and dogs
11) I'm usually pretty calm and mellow
12) Sometimes I'm too nice
13) I now own a pair of Toms Shoes :)
14) I sometimes don't like "Jesus music" (I know that sounds horrible, but it's true)
15) I officially started songwriting when I was a sophomore in highschool.
16) I took piano lessons when I was 6 but I quit after like 2 months because I didn't want to practice. So I began to doodle on the piano my freshman year of college and that is the level that I am at now. I only like to doodle :)
17) I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe.
18) I hate the feeling of being replaced.
19) My hair is naturally the color that it is.
20) I want a tattoo on my wrist reeeeeeally bad.
21) I've only owned 3 guitars in my 9 years of playing guitar.
22) I attempted to end my "pain" in life when I was 14 (very dumb...don't ever do it!)
23) I hate offending people.
24) I like listening to people's stories.
25) I have been held by God before and it was AWESOME!
26) I like to let people into my life and give them a chance, instead of shun them out.
27) I would seriously be freaked out if I woke up to no family.
28) I have a "sister"...aka seester
29) My favorite verse is 2 Timothy 2:13, "If we are faithless, He remains faithful. He cannot deny Himself."
30) My favorite color is Lime Green
31) Favorite female singer is Mariah Carey
32) Favorite male singer is Danny Gokey
33) I'm still single and I don't mind waiting for the man God has for me, although it gets frustrating sometimes.
34) I love to walk in the rain during the summertime. It's refreshing.
35) I've been homeschooled all of my life and people keep asking me what school I went to when I was younger. Every time I answer them they're like "No way! You were homeschooled?" I don't really know how to take that sometimes haha..
36) My lifesong is "None But Jesus" by Brooke Fraser
37) I am really selfish sometimes.....and I strongly dislike selfish people.
38) I want to spread God's love to the world someday with music.
39) Hopefully after I graduate from MBU, I will go to Liberty University to get my Masters Degree in Worship Arts and come back to MBU to help with the Worship Arts program there.
40) I want to go to Italy.
41) I have never tried sushi.
42) I'm not as strong as people make me out to be.
43) I LOVE Starbucks coffee
44) Shania Twain perfume is my favorite fragrance.
45) I love receiving letters :)
46) I tied for 1st place in the iSing Saint Louis Vocal Competition at Six Flags this past summer. JoyFM sponsored this competition and it was my 4th year entering it.
47) I've been in a music ministry group called, SpiritWing for 3 years and I love it :)
48) I opened for a group called NewFire, and they tour with FFH! That was a great experience.
49) I got high off of oxygen one time. Very funny story...haha
50) My butt is ticklish...
51) I am running out of things to put down....so I'm stopping...

Hope you enjoyed this...if you have questions for me, I'd be more than happy to answer them on here.

Have a great day,
-Liz Hitt