This is my final year at MBU. I'm really excited to graduate, but at the same time I am terrified. I don't know what will come next and it really freaks me out that I don't have a plan. I mean, God has a plan, but He hasn't given me a glimpse of that plan yet. It's just a scary thing.
There's also a ton of pressure that I feel about this final year at MoBap. I have to pass the classes that I'm taking....otherwise I won't graduate on time. This thought alone has really overwhelmed my heart; so much that I don't feel like myself anymore.
I kind of feel like I've shut out the world....including people that are close to my heart. This is not healthy because God made us all to be relational people. When He created us, He knew that we couldn't live life alone. He knew that we needed fellowship with other people who would speak truth into our lives. I regret to say that I have not really taken advantage of that fellowship. I keep to myself because I don't want my qualms about life to bring down the people that I care about.
It's funny, because some friends of mine have that very same mindset and I always remind them of Galatians 6:2, which says "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." This is one of the many ways that we show love toward each other....by going deeper and being real with each other.
We all deal with really tough, overwhelming and broken situations in life....we can't handle those situations alone. I myself am still learning to just let go and let people all the way in. Trust is a huge issue with me. People have betrayed my trust before and the hurt from those times are still so deep that I use every defense that I can think of so that people won't see how I am really doing, how I really feel, etc....
All this to say....I'm still learning to let go and let people in....God is still working on my heart in all of this and I'm just following Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment